


a perfect circle

by muttdrm



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:53:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29971458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muttdrm/pseuds/muttdrm
Summary: noel is in love with cody
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Kudos: 14





	a perfect circle

noel was in love. there was no other way of explaining it. he hated saying it, but it was an overwhelming feeling that he couldn’t explain in any other way. even though he acted the same throughout the years of their friendship, even when he started to develop feelings, he knew how he felt. most of his habits around cody weren’t exactly strange for noel. little things like making more jokes to make cody laugh to more obvious things like openly checking cody out. although he knew what he was doing, he didn’t avoid it. cody was as blind as a bat when it came to the hints noel gave. noel could look cody in the eyes and say he’s in love with him, but cody would laugh as if he were joking. 

that’s how noel fell short. every time. he’d always try to come out and say it, but cody couldn’t see it. maybe it was noels naturally flirty personality that made it seem normal. even when noel got close and looked at cody’s lips or when he’d squeeze cody’s thigh when making a joke. it was obvious to noel, but apparently nobody else would notice. even people who shipped them wouldn’t point it out too often. was noel stupid? was he sending the wrong messages? 

he needed to say it. the knowledge that noel was in love was too much to bare. it was eating away at him. it was a constant ache that he often ignored or covered up. he wasn’t big on feelings but he needed this. he really needed something. even if it were rejection, it’d be something. at least he’d be seen by cody in any way other than just friends. part of him wanted the heartbreak. maybe that’ll set him straight, both literally and figuratively. maybe he’d stop falling in love and he’d be able to get past this stupid phase. 

it all started with a joint. one that noel rolled because cody sucked at it. although it were a simple dynamic, it was one that stuck out to noel. he didn’t know why, though. his fingers dragged over the table as he tried to find the lighter without looking. lighting the blunt was also something noel did. he usually took initiative around here. maybe that’s why that simple dynamic stuck to noel. the fact that noel had to take control all the time. he took a drag before handing it over to cody, who seemed a bit excited. 

cody almost never smoked with anyone but noel. cody always said it was because noel always had the best stuff but he also partially trusted noel more to calm him down if he gets overwhelmed. it’s a trust that he’s had with noel since they met. it was a trust that he developed simply off of vibes, as cringy as it sounded. noel gave off a comforting energy that cody always wanted to lean into. 

noels passed the blunt over to cody. as cody brought the blunt towards his lips, noel focused on his pink lips. noel lost focus on everything other than cody’s lips. smoke leaving his lips and going through the air. cody’s slight smile as he took another hit. it was a gentle smile, enjoying the taste. 

« i don’t know who’s your plug but this is amazing, » cody mentions as he takes a third hit. noel nodded and gave a quick reply. he wasn’t thinking, though. he was still fixated on cody’s lips. so many things were going through his head. some as gentle as kisses, others rougher. cody passed the blunt over and noel finally took his eyes off of cody, going back to whatever show they were watching, only to realize they weren’t watching anything. he took a quick hit. 

« you can turn something on, if you want, » noel said and handed cody the remote. cody nodded and went to hulu, finding naked and afraid, his new obsession apparently. during that time noel took another couple of drags, already feeling the affects. he passed back to cody and let him take a handful of hits. cody seemed to have been excited to get high after so long. although cody wasn’t a stoner to any extent, he enjoyed getting high with noel. 

« why’re you looking at me like that, dude, » cody says, noel quickly coming back to earth, realizing that he’d been staring at cody again. noel blinked a couple of times, trying to play off his habit of staring. 

« sorry, just spaced out, » noel excused as he wiped his eyes. 

« damn, i thought you were a real stoner. didnt think you’d get this high, » cody joked. noel rolled his eyes, wanted to say something back but deciding to abandon the conversation. 

it was silent for a while, only the distant sound of the tv that noel couldn’t find the motivation to listen to. all noel could do was either stare off into nothing or stare at cody. he would’ve preferred to stare at cody but since he’s pointed out noels staring, he’s felt obligated to look away. 

« are you feeling okay? you’re really out of it today, » cody said gently, his voice a bit scratchy.

« i love you. » 

noel didn’t know why he said it. it was an immediate response that some how got past his filter, yet it didn’t feel as passionate as if it would go through multiple filters. the words slipped off his tongue so easily that noel didn’t think twice about saying it. he never said that to anyone. he barely even said it to his own mother. why was he so comfortable saying it to cody?

it was silent. 

noel was stuck with zero thoughts in his head, just the white noise that was ringing in his ears a long with some faded words from the tv. he shut his eyes and finally realized what he said. love you meant nothing to noel. it was so easy to say that he would say it to anyone who would say it to him, yet it meant nothing. saying i love you, though? it was heavier on noels tongue. there was more passion in it. there was actual effort behind those words, not just a casual phrase like ‘how are you’. _i love you_. 

« you.. what do you mean? » cody says. noel didn’t explain, though. just silence. that spoke louder than noel could, though. it just cemented what cody thought noel could’ve meant. it was loud now. although neither of them spoke, it was loud. there wasn’t anything poetic about this situation. just silence and thoughts. there wasn’t sparks or a perfect kiss or some type of moral, this was real life. with silent rejection. 

noel jumped at the feeling of cody’s hand on his back. it send a buzzing feeling up his back. it made no sense. why was cody so good at making him feel this way? so good at making his stomach flip? making his cheeks warm? he’s never felt this before. he’s never felt genuine love like this. he was losing composure and he didn’t know what to do. even with the spiraling thoughts, he felt strangely grounded by cody’s touch. he wanted to push him away and leave, but he was stuck. 

« how long have you.. » cody didnt finish his sentence. noel appreciated it. he didn’t want to think about the weight of the situation. everything they had was linked. they were basically one at this point. how could noel be so stupid? if cody rejected him, how would they ever recover? 

« i don’t know, » noel replied. there wasn’t any depth to his words anymore. he put all of his effort into saying i love you, that he felt exhausted. too tired to explain. cody’s hands were still on his back, though. cody shifted closer and noel felt the world close in as cody did. noel wanted to throw up at the thought of cody being his world. it was cheesy and stupid but it applied. 

« it’s fine, man. do you wanna talk later? when we’re not high, » cody let out an empty chuckle. noel nodded. maybe by the time cody wanted to speak, he could flee the country. maybe change his name and reinvent himself. it wouldn’t be enough for plastic surgery, though. 

« sorry, » noels jaw was tense. it felt like he was sleeping. his jaw tense, the world hazy, nothing made sense. 

« no! no, it’s okay! i just. this is too serious to talk about now, » cody’s hand landed on top of noels. noels hand tensed slightly. a buzz went up his arm and he nearly shivered. cody must’ve noticed noels reaction because his hand started to slightly hover over noels. after a moment cody must’ve committed. he’s hands slipped under noels and their fingers linked. noel wanted to cry. this felt like charity work. he felt like a dying kid meeting a celebrity. it wasn’t genuine, just _pitiful_. 

noel could feel cody’s eyes on his face. now he understood how cody must’ve felt. he wanted to cover his face. if it were any other situation he might blush and tell him to stop. everything felt too heavy though. he was stuck on cody’s hand. he suddenly felt touch starved, desperate for more. he enjoyed how soft cody’s hands were. although the situation felt charitable, he enjoyed it none the less. maybe he was a dying kid. 

« do you wanna stay over? we could talk in the morning, » cody said. why was cody being so reasonable? shouldn’t noel be on his way home by now? cody should’ve kicked him out as soon as he said that. he should’ve made noel sit in his car and cry for the first time in years. made noel feel something horrible but he wasn’t. he made noel feel.. comfortable. cody was too gentle. too serious. it had to be fake. 

« i should go, » noel said, standing up, nearly stumbling as he got hit with a wave of dizziness from the sudden movement. he tried to grab at his keys and lighter, but cody grabbed noels wrist, pulling him back. noel landed and suddenly cody was on top of him. noel looked into cody’s gentle eyes. they were big and worried. so worried. noel grabbed at cody’s chest, trying to push him off. for once he actually felt small next to cody. 

even when cody wore those stupid shoes that made him taller, he never noticed how much smaller he was. he was skinny and small and cody was bigger than him. noel felt trapped under cody. he tried to squirm around and he looked down, trying to hide his face. isn’t this what he wanted? for cody to be on top of him? why was he so scared and vulnerable. he hated feeling vulnerable. he wanted to run like a rabbit. or dog. or whatever runs fast. noels mind was racing, too focused on leaving to come up with a perfect analogy. 

« stop! i have to go, » noel said as sternly as he could. cody’s hands grabbed noels wrists and he pulled them away from his chest. now noel was really vulnerable. his hands were by his shoulders and his chest was fully exposed. he was looking up at cody. when did he start looking up at cody? 

« it’s okay! please stay, i want you to stay, please, » cody nearly begged. noels jaw tensed up again, fighting off the feeling to submit to cody. noel kept his head down, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack. he couldn’t do this. he wanted to stay, he really did, but he couldn’t trust himself. he couldnt-

cody’s hand let go of noels wrist and pulled his jaw so they looked each other in the eye. within a couple of seconds they were kissing. it was exactly what noel wanted. a gentle kiss. noel used his free hand to paw at cody’s chest, enjoying the closeness. cody let his hand slowly wonder up to hold noels face as gentle as possible. for once, noel wanted gentle. he wanted a gentle touch. a gentle kiss. anything gentle. 

this was real life. it was no longer silent rejection, but there was a perfect kiss and a spark. it was real life. noel kissed back after taking it in. it was still gentle, though. cody let go of noels other hand and noel brought his hand up cody’s thigh. cody’s hand stayed by noels face. the silence felt comforting now. it still felt loud though. it felt like a movie. the moment where the perfect chord progression would play after being in the background for most of the movie. the moment where the camera goes spinning around them, showing every angle of their kiss. 

cody pulled away. his eyes were shut and he was thinking. noel could tell. he opened his eyes and looked up at cody. cody opened his eyes after a moment and they made eye contact. it felt like the first time meeting again. they were new people now. _was it the kiss that changed it?_ of coarse it was. who kisses their friends after saying i love you? _i love you._

« i love you, » noel confessed again. it went though filter after filter but it still came out. it was even less confident, but the filters added the passion that his voice couldn’t give. he could hear the harmonies in his head. this love scene from a stupid movie they would usually make fun of.. it was happening. they were touching. they kissed. 

« i.. love you too, » cody says back. noel felt tears fill up his eyes. he was gonna cry. even without the rejection, he was going to _cry_. it was inevitable. he would cry at the end of this scene. a dramatic tear would fall before his face would scrunch up and he’d sob. noels hands wrapped around cody’s neck and he pulled him close, crying into cody’s shoulder. cody hugged back. noel didn’t cry. it wasn’t purposeful, it just didn’t happen. he was crying, though. 

the only thing he could get out other than sobs was slobbery i love you’s. filled with spit and snot. a disgusting i love you that would turn almost anyone away. other than cody. he stayed. he was staying. he will stay. 


End file.
